我家有男人

今年夏天，我們與長男長談.  我們的結論是, 儘管在暑假期間他為了有多些時間玩電腦而將功課做的迅速確實, 但當他花了大部分的時間和精力玩電腦, 甚至願意不擇手段來爭取玩電腦的時間, 兒子已經將電腦遊戲當成偶像.  不僅看重它, 為其妥協, 甚至還賠上他的人格及誠信.

You shall have no other gods before me...You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God...~Exodus 20:3, 5
"除我以外，你不可有別的神。... 不可跪拜它們，也不可事奉它們，因為我耶和華你們的　神是忌邪的　神."--出埃及记 20:3, 5

我們要他深思反省.  希望他會活出信實正直, 榮耀神的生命.  很遺憾，老爸發現長男並無悔意, 只能處以極刑--一整個星期沒有電腦使用權.

對一個十幾歲的年青人而言, 不能使用社交媒體是十分殘酷的懲罰, 更不用提是一整個星期之久.  長男當時有如晴天霹靂, 一臉錯愕.  下一秒就看他一臉氣憤, 不斷深呼吸.  我看著他，感覺他的火山瀕臨爆發邊緣.  心想 "孩子， 千萬別還嘴, 千萬別還嘴".

長男還是開口了, 而且還出人意料的說華語: "你們真的很討厭!!" 接著轉身進房間.
這回換我楞住了.  沒了啊?  就這樣？我不敢相信 "很討厭"是他唯一的還擊! That's it?

我反复思想, 決定等兒子情緒穩定後和他談談.
我的開場白是這樣: "兒子, 我了解你很氣惱爸爸給你的懲罰, 我也知道在學校裡年青人罵粗話是家常便飯, 但是你沒有口不擇言, 你還是選擇了節制 (self control) ."

兒子靦腆地笑了, 似乎欣慰我注意到, 也肯定他的表現.  "我明白自己的底限在哪裡."  換句話說,  他不允許自己多說幾句, 以免失了自製力.

我隨即想到聖經上說:

Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking guile. ~ Psalms 34:13
就要禁止舌頭不出惡言，嘴唇不說詭詐的話。詩篇 34:13

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city. ~Proverbs 16:32
不輕易發怒的勝過勇士，制伏己心的強如取城。箴言 16:32

雖然兒子還沒有意識到, 但他已經在用行為榮耀神了. 兒子長大了.  不是一個男孩，而是個男人了.
節制是成熟的表現.  兒子, 我以你為榮.  Thank you for building me a son, O Lord.

How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word.~ Psalms 119:9
少年人用什麼潔淨他的行為呢？是要遵行你的話。--詩篇 119:9

為孩子祈禱--Prayer for Our Son

Last year, my thoughtful mother-in-law sent us this copy of church bulletin through the mail.  On the back, there's the famous prayer of Douglas MacArthur for his son.  Her mail warmed my heart.  Her understanding was beyond words.  From our time together last summer, she must have observed our stress and our needs for wisdom as we now parent two teens.  H and I wondered what the prayer is like in its original language.  H googled the prayer and read it to me.

General MacArthur's Prayer for His Son

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak; and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat and humble and gentle in victory.Build me a son whose wishes will not take the place of deeds; a son who will know Thee -- and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.
Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.
Build me a son whose heart will be clear, whose goal will be high, a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men, one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.
And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, and the meekness of true strength.
Then I, his father, will dare to whisper, "I have not lived in vain!"      --Douglas MacArthur

---

As soon as H read the first few words "build me a son, O Lord", he got so choked up that he was unable to continue reading.  Sharing his sentiment, I was already in tears.  

"Build me a son, O Lord."  Without the power and intervention of our God, our son would never be whom we desire for him to be.  

"Build me a son, O Lord," for our son was not born without sin.  It takes time and trials to chisel him, to rid himself the self-centered ways and self righteousness, and, finally, come to his senses that he needs a Savior.    

"Build me a son, O Lord."  It is our cry to God to shape our son into a man, and into His likeness.

And as parents, our verse to live by is this:

" I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."

                                                                                     --3 John 1:4

Tell Me More About You

My girl, you are growing up too fast.  It seemed like today a tween, tomorrow a teen.
I had flash backs of you sitting in the shopping cart, barely 2 years old, asking me what everything was in the grocery store.  I could still see you putting everything you thought fancy on yourself, tippy toeing in front of the mirror and smiling so big that you eyes turned into just slits.  I could hear your tiny voice asking me to read your favorite book (at the time), "Love You Forever" again and again and asking me if you'd always be my baby.  Whenever I walk pass that same path to school, I would picture the very pregnant me holding your hand singing that song we made up "I am walking with my favorite girl" and waving good morning to the "Praising Jesus Tree".
I was watching you dancing on stage in front of a crowd last weekend, looking so confident and full of smile and I thought when did that same girl become taller and stronger than me?
I used to braid your hair every morning.  When did you start putting up your own hair?
The other day, I dug out a bag of your clothes when you were in Kindergarten.  I took out your favorite pink princess t-shirt and stared at it in disbelief.  Were you once this tiny?  You are sharing my clothes and shoes NOW!
I started calculating how many handful of years are left before you head to college.  How many nights do I have left to hug you and tell you that I love you?
I have to say that I don't love your brother any less.  For I have already cried about him going to college when he was in 2nd grade.  When he leaves home, I probably would see a grin on his face, ready to conquer the world.
You are my girl, who wrote she wanted to live with mom and dad forever in 1st grade.
Before you speed up your growth any further, I want to know as much about you as possible and to capture how God has grown you.  I want the two of us to take a moment every day to write each other a short letter in this Me & Mommy journal, sharing our thoughts.  Each day, I am eager to see what you've written.  I love it when you ask a question about me ("what's your favorite candy?" "what would you do if..."), share a story you've heard from Sunday school or even draw a picture in the journal.
After baking a cheese cake for uncle T during our mom-and-daughter date last weekend, you suggested that we each do an acrostic poem with the other person's first name and pasted them on the last page of the journal.  I had lots of fun and laughs seeing what you thought of me and got to encourage you through my poem of you.  Moments with you are treasures.
For convenience, we put this journal on the kitchen counter.  Isn't it funny that your little sister who became quite a good reader this year would monitor how disciplined we have been and remind us whose turn it is to write?  And just a week ago, you overheard JJ murmured to herself, "5 pages written, good!"
My girl, I meant to tell you that while your desire of living with mom and dad forever warmed my heart, I pray that your desire will be to be a faithful follower of Christ, to love Him and to live in His house in eternity.
While we are still on earth, this is my commitment to you as your mother:

   I'd love you forever

I 'd love you for always

As long as I am living

My baby you'd be
                                                                               ~~"Love You Forever"

部落格的戰爭

中文輸入，對我來說並不容易。

如果你覺得奇怪，為什麼我開始用蹩腳的中文寫部落格, 我的理由是基於上次提到的"育兒"的好處.   我不希望我的"長男" 或他的朋友讀這篇文章 (或任何 一篇我的文章). 一度我想我乾脆放棄寫部落格好了.  直到我和大哥在線聊天, 他建議我用中文寫部落格, 知道這些孩子不會願意花時間讀蝌蚪文, 可以用來打擊不請自來的ABC讀者.  我怎麼沒想到!?  我大哥簡直是天才!

話說大約去年10月左右, 一天, "長男" 從學校回家, 氣極敗壞的要我刪除所有關於他的文章及照片.  按他的說法, 他的同學經常瀏覽我的部落格.  本來，我以為聽起來並不糟嘛, 然後聽他繼續講, 我才了解這群男生想用我的部落格的信息來取笑他.  因為在此之前"長男"夠酷, 這群朋友什麼都沒得嘲笑他.  我首先想到的是我的言論自由受到侵犯了.  我很不高興 ，由於當時馬上要載"長男"去游泳訓練,  我憋了一肚子氣想​​等他練習結束再談.

開車回家路上, 我自己演練了想對他說的台詞, 說他的同學們是如何的無禮, 說真正的朋友不會故意耍弄朋友, 說他應該忽視他們的行為... 我一心想維護我的言論自由和我投資兩年時間建立的寶貝部落格.

但是，當我差不多快到家時, 通過聖經經文，上帝清楚的向我說話：

"所以，如果食物使我的弟兄絆倒，我就絕不吃肉直到永遠，免得使我的弟兄絆倒."

                                                                                             --哥林多前書 8:13

"Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall."--1 Corinthians 8:13

"(愛是) 不為不義歡喜，而與真理同樂；

⁷ 凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍耐."

                                                                 --哥林多前書 13:6-7

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."--1 Corinthians 13:6-7

                                                              

上帝讓我知道我的優先次序錯了.
我對他人的愛應該遠遠超過我對自己權利的重視.
更不用提我需要愛的這位弟兄, 是我的兒子.

回家後，我開始刪除提及他的文章及照片, 儘管有一點感傷, 我的心卻充滿平安.
當我告訴兒子我愛他勝過我的部落格, 我會盡我所能尊重他, 保護他，我得到的是一個衷心的擁抱.
感謝讚美神！通過祂的話, 上帝阻止了一場我和兒子間的戰爭.

感謝讚美神！信靠祂的人, 一樣好處都不缺.

What's In A Name?

As parents, my husband and I have the privilege of naming our children.  As time progresses, we've given the kids shorter and shorter names.  For one, We realized how challenging it has been for my side of the family to pronounce their names.  And for two, God has placed these names in our minds in such orders.  Amazingly, each of the children lived up to his/her name.  He knows our children even before they were born.
"For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb."            --Psalm 139:13

After having two boys, my father was pleased to have a little girl and named me "sweet-smelling fragrance"(馨).  

I could not say that I loved my name.  Anyone who's heard my name would comment: "It sounds just like a boy's name."  or "oh, it's the letter for carnation."  Neither did I wish to be a boy or wanted to be forever associated with motherhood.  

The worst took place on my first day of class in grade school.  Everyone was required to fill an entire page with his name (more than 50 times).  Since there are many strokes in my name, while most of the kids finished this task in minutes, it took me the whole 50 minutes to barely reach 2/3 of the page.  My face was burning red when the whole class realized I was the only one undone.  I was in tears thinking how unfortunate my name was.  

After turning my life to Christ, I began to appreciate my name from God's perspective.  One day, the Scripture reading came from the book of 2 Corinthians:                 
                                                                               
"14 But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ’s triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere. ¹⁵ For we are to God the pleasing aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. ¹⁶ To the one we are an aroma that brings death; to the other, an aroma that brings life. And who is equal to such a task? ¹⁷ Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, as those sent from God."     --2 Corinthians 2:14-17  

Followers of Christ ARE the pleasing aroma of Christ.  I AM that aroma of Christ to both the saved and unsaved.  That's my name!  The fragrance of God!  That's what I should live for, so that others would see Life or the conviction of turning to Christ.  

What's your purpose in life?  What's in your name?